Ghosted Page 11

  I sink down further into my seat. “What is the point of this?” I ask.

  “Wait, there’s more,” the Girl in Black replies.

  She snaps her fingers and the scene changes again. Now we’re back at school, near my locker. I’m thirteen and in conversation with Serena, a new girl who just moved to Lincoln Heights from Houston. She’s got dark braids and big brown eyes and glasses and, of course, she wants to be my new BFF. And of course, that is not going to happen. Not that she knows it yet.

  Serena hands me a book report. I flip through the pages. “This is your best work, yes?”

  “Of course.” Serena nods. “I did yours first and spent the most time on it. I hardly had time to finish my own work.”

  I level my gaze at her, sizing her up, wondering why she’s telling me this, what she wants from me. Sympathy? Not gonna happen!

  I shrug. “Not my problem. Maybe you should manage your time better.”

  “Yes, Ellie. Of course. You are right. You are always right.” Now Serena sounds too eager to please.

  I look through the report, scanning it quickly, and then toss it in the garbage.

  “What are you doing?” she asks, gasping.

  “Oh, I did my own homework,” I tell her. “I don’t need yours.”

  “Then, then why did you ask me to do it for you?”

  “It was a test,” I say carefully, narrowing my eyes.

  She relaxes. “Oh, so I passed. I’m a good enough friend to cheat for you? Is this like some crazy loyalty thing? I’m so relieved you’re not going to actually use it because that did seem a little weird.”

  Serena thinks she’s gotten me figured out, that things are that simple. This annoys me even more. Because yes, she called it exactly—that was my original plan. But now I’ve got to come up with something better. Change tactics. Be unpredictable.

  That’s one secret to maintaining my power. No one can know what to expect. If I change the rules all the time, I keep everyone on their toes.

  I shake my head slowly. “It was a test, but not one of friendship,” I say. “By cheating, you revealed your true moral character. Now I know I can’t trust you. If you were a real friend, and a stand-up kind of person, you would have refused to do my book report for me because it’s wrong and risky, plus you’d be robbing me of an educational opportunity. Don’t you know I’m the top student at this school? I don’t need to cheat.”

  “Oh,” she says, staring at the paper in the garbage can. Just then Molly Bowie walks by and tosses a crumpled chocolate milk container on top of it. Some of the milk drips onto it and Serena cringes. I grin, because I couldn’t have orchestrated this moment better if I’d tried.

  “You should have stood up to me, refused to do my work and risk putting me in harm’s way. That’s how a true friend would act. That’s what Harper and Maddie and Lily would’ve done.” (I am making this part up. Everyone knows that Harper, Maddie, and Lily do whatever I tell them to do without thinking. That is why we are all such good friends.)

  Serena doesn’t seem to know what to do. She stares at me, uncomprehending.

  I gaze right back at her, steadily, waiting.

  “Well, then. Okay,” she finally says. “I failed. So now what?” She gulps, staring at me with tears in her eyes.

  It’s a great question.

  I actually don’t have an answer. I didn’t expect things to turn out this way. I didn’t really think Serena would write the paper for me. It’s especially insulting because everyone knows I’m the smartest kid in school. And yes, she’s only been here for a few weeks, but it’s one of the first things she should’ve learned.

  “So, what do you think should happen now?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Oh, I think I should apologize, which I’m going to do right now, regardless. I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m sorry I insulted your intelligence. I didn’t mean to. But mostly, I’m sorry I failed the test, sorry I let you down. Sorry I may not get to hang out with you and your friends. Because you all seem so awesome. Your whole group does.”

  Hmmm. This is nice to hear. “Go on,” I say.

  “Oh, I was done,” she says.

  “No, I want to hear more. About how awesome we are.”

  “Well, you and Harper and Lily and Maddie and, well, mostly you. Everyone knows you are the most popular kids in school. You have so much fun. And I mean, each one of you is better-looking than the next.”

  I raise one eyebrow at this news.

  She notices, and gasps, brings her hand to her lips like she made a mistake.

  “I mean, excluding you. No one can compare to you. You’re, like, on a whole different level, and I just want to hang out with you guys. Please?”

  No one has ever begged me to be their friend before. It’s kind of an ego trip, but also crazy enough to arouse suspicion. Who is this weirdo? Her desperation is bringing me down.

  “I’ll think about it,” I say. “Let’s talk next week.”

  With that, I turn on my heel and head out.

  My plan is to keep her hanging, and that is exactly what I do. At first I think I’ll ignore her for a few days—a week, tops. But instead, I never get back to her.

  And it was a good trick. I pulled the same thing with Daisy Harris, who moved to town from South Dakota a week later. Wasn’t as much fun the second time around. When she broke down in real tears, I thought I’d feel empowered, but instead it was just embarrassing. For everyone.

  So I tried it a third time with this girl named Zara, who transferred from Catholic school. Not only did I make her do my history homework, I told her she had to wear the plaid skirt from her uniform for two weeks in a row. It’s amazing what people will do.

  Of course, after Zara people began to expect this type of hazing, so I had to switch things up. Sofia had always been around in the background, but we’d never hung out. I decided to adopt her as my new best friend. It was a good move, expanding the group. It made us all more powerful and it kept my other friends on their toes. Let them know they weren’t that special, that they could always be replaced.

  Anyway, the meaner, more demanding, more difficult that I am, the more kids fear me, and the more kids fear me, the more they want to hang out with me.

  It’s fun. Invigorating. I have tried on this identity and it fits me perfectly, like that gorgeous leather jacket Ruby Silano got for her birthday and then regifted to me the very next day. Just because. No special occasion … other than the fact that I made her do it, I mean.

  Sure, sometimes I think about the way I walk all over people and I cringe over the callousness.

  But the more I do it, the more I get used to it.

  It’s fun.

  It’s who I am.

  Or it’s who I have become, anyway.

  It certainly beats the alternative.

  When the lights go on I turn to the Girl in Black. “Okay, I get it. I’m a horrible, rotten person. What else is new?”

  “You tell me,” she replies.

  I am so sick of this trip down memory lane. Plus, I haven’t even brought up the fact that this is so selective. “You are only showing me the bad. The rotten scenes. Everything I’ve done wrong. You haven’t mentioned any of the positive stuff.”

  “Like what?” the Girl in Black asks.

  “Like, how I’m a role model for my fellow students. How I have raised the bar so high here at Lincoln Heights Middle School, it forces everyone to work even harder. How everyone aspires to be as perfect as me.”

  Rather than answer me with words, she lets out a big laugh.

  And that’s when I realize that nothing is keeping me here inside this movie theater. There are no beaded curtain bars. I’m not trapped in some cheap plexiglass snow globe, or an actual-glass fish tank. Plus, the film is over. The lights are even on. So I stand up and head for the exit. I’m thinking I’ll be free from the Girl in Black, and back in the gym and in my regular thirteen-year-old body, as originally planned, but instead my feet get sw
ept up from under me and suddenly I’m on my back. Everything happens so quickly, it takes a few moments to realize what’s what: I’m in a sled whooshing down a snowy mountain. I zip past pine trees and snowmen and woodland creatures. This scene is familiar, but I have never been sledding here before. Honestly, it’s gorgeous, magical. When I zoom past a few red birds I realize where I am—in the mural!

  This is crazy. Every other place I’ve been to since this nightmare began actually exists in real life. But this scene? Jack and Dezi and Reese and those other theater geeks—they made this. Someone imagined this snowy scene and came up with a design and executed it. Yet it feels so real.

  It makes me wonder … I mean, sure I’m good at taking tests and reading social situations and jockeying for power, getting what I want, manipulating people. Those sorts of things. But what have I ever actually made? Except for misery and fear?

  Of course, I have my reasons. Making other people feel bad and weak distracts me from my own pain. And it props me up. But is that good enough?

  I think about the conscious choice I made so many years ago. When faced with those mean girls, I was weak, afraid, shy. And I promised myself I would change. I vowed to turn myself into one of them for protection. Because that pain I felt? It overwhelmed me. I didn’t want to hurt that badly ever again. But I wonder if there was another choice. If I could’ve gone in another direction.

  Marley did. She was different. She chose to be kind. While I chose the opposite.

  I thought I was making myself strong by being cold and calculating and steely. But at what cost?

  As I have this thought I see something alarming up ahead: a cliff. I’m racing toward it. I look for the brakes, but there are no brakes. Well, of course not. I’m on a sled!

  What if I speed off the cliff? Will this nightmare end? Maybe it’s about time I find out. It’s not like I have a choice in the matter. Better to simply let it happen.

  I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut tight and I feel the lift and suddenly I’m sailing. I’m flying through the air.

  It’s exhilarating. I finally feel free.

  At least until I crash-land.

  chapter ten

  I’m in the gym. I’ve come right through the mural, which still exists, has not yet been destroyed by me. In fact it now has track marks in the snow, charting the path I took on the sled. That’s kind of cool—I’ve made my mark on the thing. It’s proof that I’m not crazy and hallucinating. Or maybe it’s proof that my hallucinations are incredibly detailed … Time will tell. Or not. Either way, it’s a relief to be back in familiar territory, back to the present.

  And it’s funny, I expected to find myself on the ground, but I’m still standing. And wait a second … I hear someone yelling. And that someone sounds distinctly like me. I walk toward the crowd that has gathered at the far end of the gym and that’s when I see myself ranting. I am still two people, it seems. The “me” me is still invisible.

  And then there’s visible me, who is screaming at the top of her lungs. “No one thinks winter wonderland and birds. The two concepts don’t even belong in the same sentence!”

  Oh right. This is around an hour before the fall. Visible me is wrapping things up. That means that invisible me can watch myself scream at Reese for putting those stupid birds in the mural.

  Birds that, I now have to admit, are really cool-looking.

  The theater geeks stand behind Reese, stunned. Jack stares at me, openmouthed.

  The entire gym is watching.

  This is real power.

  This is control.

  At least I think it is.

  I know the Girl in Black keeps taking me to scenes from my past that make me look bad, but obviously there are reasons for my behavior, explanations that made perfect sense at the time. I needed to assert myself, transform from the meek little girl I used to be into someone strong. And I have.

  These kids fear me.

  They try to defend themselves but they can’t.

  I watch as visible me holds on to the mural, and Reese tries to pull it away. Visible me is not letting go. It tears and she cringes. Oh, how she cringes.

  Visible me’s face screws up into a look of annoyance. It flashes to anger and then rage as she tears the whole thing in half.

  The crowd gasps. Emboldened by their horror, visible me grabs the mural and tears it up again and again and again, until it’s useless confetti, which she throws in Reese’s face. “Oops!” she says. “Well, at least we have more snow.”

  Aside from Sofia’s forced laugh, the entire gym is silent.

  Three kids from the theater department are crying now. I didn’t notice this the first time around.

  Ugh. Something in my heart hurts.

  I have this new crazy thought: Seeing myself from the outside? I don’t seem so powerful, so in control. I kind of seem like a monster. But I am not. I know I am not. Even if I sometimes behave like one …

  I have my reasons.

  Suddenly a phone rings.

  “Who left their cell phone on during my meeting?” visible me yells. Then a second later, when no one cops to it she goes, “Hah, that’s me. Get to work, everyone. String those lights. Hang the murals. Put out the snow. Find something cool for the fourth wall…”

  Visible me answers the call and leaves through the double doors of the auditorium. Where she talks to her dad, does her nails, and power walks. Been there. Done that. Yawn! This time I am sticking around.

  I want to watch this magic happen, see my committee work smoothly without me, their leader.

  For the first time since this nightmare began, I’m actually digging this whole invisibility thing and looking forward to watching the scene unfold. I’ve always wanted to witness my classmates gush about how much they love and appreciate me, and marvel over the vast number of sacrifices I have made for this school. How I am so awesome at everything, it inspires them to achieve their very best. I remember ducking back into the gym after my power walk and seeing it transformed, like magic. Now I’ll be able to witness that process. See this smoothly run operation that I put into motion, a well-oiled machine. I can’t wait.

  First I walk over to the theater geeks. They are consoling Reese, who is actually crying. Well, okay. It makes sense that she’s upset. I came on a little, well, intense. But I know she’ll come around. Winter birds—how dumb! She’s lucky I pointed it out before the entire school showed up to witness such foolishness.

  “All that hard work. And the fourth mural was the best one of the bunch. What kind of monster does something like that?” she asks.

  Jack rubs her back. “Don’t worry about it. We still have three and a half murals to hang up. And the work is stunning. Each scene is so detailed, so gorgeous. You are so talented, Reese. I’ll bet Ellie is jealous.”

  Wait, what? Is he serious? “I’m not jealous of you theater geeks. What a joke!” I yell.

  “Haven’t you figured it out yet—no one can hear you,” the Girl in Black replies snarkily. I hadn’t even noticed her in the room, lurking around in silent judgment, as usual.

  “I know that. I’m just venting!” I shout back.

  “He’s totally right, Reese. She’s an evil, jealous, pathetic monster, and I cannot wait to graduate and be free of her,” says Charlie.

  “Oh, it’ll be the same in high school. Don’t you think?” asks Jack.

  Reese sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “Maybe worse,” she says.

  “There is no way she can be worse,” Dezi points out.

  Hmmm … This is unexpected. Yes, I did tear up their work. The wounds are still fresh, but I know that eventually they will come to understand that I did them a huge favor. And if not, then who cares what these theater geeks think? They have too many pimples to matter.

  I move on to my real friends, to Harper and Sofia and Maddie and Lily, who are hanging the string lights.

  “Is this straight?” asks Sofia, holding up a strand.

  “It
looks straight enough to me, but I can’t say for sure because I’m not Ellie Charles,” Harper grumbles.

  “Luckily,” Maddie says with a laugh.

  Lily sighs and asks, “Why does she have to be so bossy?”

  “Don’t stress. It’s almost vacation. Soon we’ll get a break,” Maddie replies.

  “Not soon enough,” says Harper. “She’s worse than ever.”

  “I think I officially hate her,” says Sofia.

  “Don’t say that. She’ll hear you,” warns Harper.

  “But she’s not even here,” Sofia points out. “She’s off on the phone, probably renegotiating her deal with the devil.”

  The rest of the girls giggle at this. Deal with the devil? That’s crazy, and I can’t believe they’re talking about me behind my back like this.

  I’m not that bad.

  I don’t think so, anyway.

  “Guys, be careful. You know she must have spies,” says Maddie, looking around with suspicion. “Or maybe she bugged the entire gym.”

  Harper shudders nervously. “I’m so freaked out right now. You’re probably right.”

  “I was kidding,” says Maddie. “I mean—kidding, not kidding!”

  Everyone laughs.

  “I wouldn’t put it past her, though,” says Harper.

  “I know,” says Maddie. And everyone else agrees with her.

  “Wait a second. Are you people serious? This is how you treat me when I’m not around to defend myself? You’d be nothing without me,” I shout.

  The Girl in Black pops up next to me suddenly.

  “I know they can’t hear me!” I scream impatiently. “So don’t even bother saying it.”

  “Okay,” she replies, folding her arms over her chest. “But you could’ve fooled me.”

  I groan. This is too much to take. Stupid middle school dance committee. Amateurs and babies, every single one of them. I have had enough! I turn on my heel and head for the exit. Except when I walk through the double doors, I end up in …

  Wait a moment …

  Where am I?

  Could this be?

  Yes, I am finally in Hawaii!

  chapter eleven